[ Up-tempo instrumental music plays ]
Ther e's the f ormality.
Yes.
Please stop moving.
Strange f ormality.
Why do you worry about it?
'Cause I'm his f ather.
You know what he started doing?
He started shaking hands with me.
He's 9.
You'll see when he comes by tomorrow.
He'll be like... "Hi, Dad."
- What is that? - Leave him alone.
Kim: Five minutes to air.
First team in the studio, please.
On the other hand, he's started playing baseball well.
Yes.
Did I mention yesterday's game?
Yes, you did.
In f act, I believe I know the stats.
3 f or 3 with 2 RBls, 2 walks, and a stolen base.
Yes.
Well, you don't think that's impr essive?
I think it's very impr essive.
You bet your butt that's impr essive.
It is.
He started off slow,
but it turns out he's got some game.
He does.
You'r e done.
My boy can play ball.
I'd think about taking him out of school.
See, you joke about this.
I'm not kidding.
Ther e's nothing he can learn in f ourth grade
that he can't pick up in a good minor league f arm system.
3 f or 3 with 2 RBls, 2 walks, and a stolen base.
You should be his agent, 'cause that usually works out well, too.
I'm just saying.
Wouldn't you think she'd have come crawling back to me by now?
- Rebecca? - Yes.
I would have thought so,
but instead, she went crawling back to her husband.
It's a world gone mad, Casey.
30's long.
Dan fix ed it. Check your shot sheet.
Dan fix ed 30. Show me Riverf ront.
Stand by.
Thr ee minutes to VTR, f our minutes live.
- Riverf ront's up. - That's not Riverf ront.
- You'r e right. - That's Thr ee Rivers.
I know.
Riverf ront's in Cincinnati.
I know wher e Riverf ront is.
- Thr ee Rivers is in Pittsburgh. - Yes.
- Pittsburgh is in Pennsylvania. - Thanks very much.
It works. My new camera works.
Ex cellent.
The Soshi/Suntac RTS-lll, baby.
- Riverf ront's up. - And it works.
Thank you. Show me Phoenix.
Well, I don't know if it works, but it looks incr edibly good.
- What's the count back in? - 18 seconds.
Judy, that's 18 seconds f or 30 cold.
I'm going to take the inaugural pictur e tomorrow - the maiden photograph.
I'd like everyone to bring nice clothes.
You'r e gonna take a pictur e of our clothes?
I think she meant she wanted us to wear the clothes.
That's exactly what I meant. Spr ead the word.
Dave: Two minutes to VTR.
Three minutes live.
It's an 18-second count-back.
From the Red Sox?
Yeah. And Dana wants to take everyone's pictur e tomorrow.
Why?
She bought a new camera.
I didn't know Dana took pictur es.
She doesn't. She doesn't know anything about cameras.
But she f elt the sudden need to own one.
- Is this part of her psychotic episode? - Yes.
- Well, then, sign me up. - 18 back at 30.
You guys ar e all set. Have a good show.
Thank you, Alyson.
Alyson, did you know my son, Charlie, went 3 f or 3 yesterday,
with 2 RBls, 2 walks, and a stolen base?
- No. That's gr eat. - He did.
I wasn't ther e to see it, but that's a diff er ent thing,
- and I'm not gonna get morose right now. - Okay.
- I'm not gonna lay all that on you. - Okay.
- I'm not gonna get heavy with you. - Okay.
Even though I can see you'r e f eeling chatty right now.
Yeah.
- Good show. - Jer emy...
Seven pitches, you believe that?
Yes, I do.
Thr ee batters, seven pitches.
Dana: What do you got?
Nothing. Bottom of the order went down in seven pitches.
Maybe tomorrow.
Whatever happened to the ninth-inning rally, huh?
Yeah, and why don't we use semicolons anymor e?
This show needs a ninth-inning rally.
I think, under the circumstances, the show is doing fine.
I think so, too.
Then why did you say we need a ninth-inning rally?
I wasn't speaking metaphorically.
I meant the show could use an actual ninth-inning rally.
The show hasn't even started yet.
I'm not talking about the show.
I'm saying, "Wouldn't it be gr eat if the show we'r e about to do
included a ninth-inning rally?"
And we'r e saying that in order to have a ninth-inning rally,
the show would have to necessarily begin f rom a disadvantageous position,
which neither one of us thinks would be gr eat.
I'm gonna start again
because that's how completely you've both missed the point.
Dave: Roll VTR. 60 seconds live.
Will: Stand by.
Chris: Loading 1, 2 and F/X-2.
Stepping out now. We'r e live in 60.
- Elliott. - What do you need?
Wouldn't you think that Rebecca
would've come crawling back to me by now?
If you love something, you gotta set it f r ee, Dan.
- That's good advice, dude, thanks. - 30 seconds.
Do me a f avor, would you? When he comes by tomorrow,
make a big deal out of the baseball thing.
I will.
And try not to traumatize the new nanny.
Why would I traumatize the new nanny?
I don't know, but you always do.
- I like nannies. - I know.
I'm thinking about getting one f or myself.
Good.
'Course she'd probably end up going back to her ex-husband.
You'll make a big deal?
I'll make a big deal.
- He's shaking hands, Danny. - Stop it.
Dave: In 3... 2...
Good evening. From New York City,
I'm Dan Rydell alongside Casey McCall.
Those stories, plus we'll show you
what a long, strange trip it's been f or the gratef ul Reds at Riverf ront.
And we'll show you how Geraldo Garcia
can just keep on truckin' at Thr ee Rivers.
All that coming up after this.
You'r e watching "Sports Night" on CSC, so stick around.
We're out.
Kim: Two minutes back.
Listen to me. This isn't hard.
Forget we work on a television show.
We'r e just sports f ans, and we work in a haberdashery.
A ninth-inning rally would be a f un thing to see.
- Ah, I understand. - Yes.
- Thank you. - The haberdashery.
Yes. That was all I was saying.
- I was conf used. - Yes, I know.
But your haberdashery parable clear ed it up f or me.
Pictur e time!
- Speaking of conf used. - Be nice.
Kim, let's get everybody.
Kim: Dan!
Dana, do you have the first idea
how to operate any of this equipment?
This is called an owner's manual, my f riend,
and I have r ead it cover to cover.
I've r ead Doctor Zhivago cover to cover.
It doesn't make me the czar.
We have a name f or people like you
back home in Cedar Rapids.
It's called sourpuss.
We have a name for people like you back home in Boston, too.
It's called - Ow. Ow. Pain. Pain. Pain.
Dan - Good, get over her e.
Dana, what the hell -
Do you love it?
How much did you spend on this?
It's a little extravagant,
but I think a hobby's a good idea f or me.
Annie Liebowitz doesn't have -
- I'm tr eating myself. - Go to Vegas.
I don't like Vegas.
If you don't like Vegas, then you'r e just crazy.
That's what I'm saying.
Dave, Chris, Will, you guys ar e prof essionals.
You couldn't talk her out of this?
We'r e just happy to be in the pictur e.
Gr eat. Wher e's Casey?
Madison Squar e Garden.
What's he doing ther e?
Interviewing Michelle Kwan.
That was supposed to be you.
Michelle Kwan doesn't like me.
You'r e wrong.
She dissed me at the Espys.
- She did not. Dan, she did not... - She dissed me.
I gave her a little of this at the Espys,
and she f rosted me, not unlike Rebecca.
We can't do the pictur e without Casey.
I gotta go someplace and weep.
Hang on, hang on. You know what we'r e gonna do?
We'r e gonna do a practice pictur e.
- Dana... - Yes. Without Casey.
That way I can work out any kinks,
and he won't be able to make any jokes.
- He wouldn't make any jokes. - Yes, he would.
- Dana... - Gather up.
We better do what she says.
All right. Now... just so you know -
what we'r e workin' with her e today is the Soshi/Suntac RTS-lll
with the built-in datapack and a 70mm -
- Dana. - Okay, everybody hold still.
Her e's what's gonna happen.
You'r e gonna hear thr ee beeps - beep, beep, beep -
f ollowed by a one-and-a-half-second pause,
then a flash f rom my Ex eter 220g strobe with the 18-inch parabolic r eflector.
Ready?
Could you tell us again what the beeps ar e gonna sound like?
Hold still.
[ Beeps ]
[ Sighs ]
[ Beep, beep, beep ]
[ Telephone ringing in distance ]
Don't be impatient now,
'cause a second and a half is a lot longer than you think.
[ Ringing continues ]
[ Camera shutter clicks ]
Well, it's a little timing problem.
I can fix that.
Also, the flash didn't go off.
That's right.
[ Gasps ]
Well, I don't see wher e Casey could have gotten any material her e, Dana.
I don't think you have anything to worry about.
I'm gonna iron out these wrinkles,
and we'r e gonna do this again later.
We'll gather.
Dana, Gordon's on your line.
Okay.
Hello?
Ther e ar e 28 teams playing tonight.
What we want is f or one of them to be getting absolutely humiliated in the late innings.
Why?
- 'Cause we'r e sports f ans. - In a haberdashery.
Yes.
Wow, this is quite a place, huh?
Holly, do you know what time it is?
It's half past 4 :00. We'r e fine.
'Cause it's just my mother will be mad if I'm late.
We'r e fine.
Hey, Charlie, I heard a rumor you wer e paying a visit.
Hi.
Dana Whitaker.
Hi, I'm Holly. I'm the new nanny.
- Deborah had to - - I heard.
Hey, listen, Charlie, your dad should be her e any minute.
He had to go crosstown to interview an ice skater.
Do you mind if we wait?
No, of course not. No. I'll just -
I have to be her e because I got a phone call.
Someone's meeting me her e, but I'll meet you -
I'll put you in the conf er ence room.
We shouldn't be late.
We'r e okay.
Jer emy, come her e. Meet Charlie McCall.
Hey, nice to meet you. I'm Jer emy.
Hi.
Jer emy, could you take Holly and Charlie to the conf er ence room?
- Sur e. - I've gotta wait her e.
- Um, Holly? - Yeah?
- I think my mom - - We'r e meeting her soon.
Jer emy...
I've gotta wait her e. I'll be right her e.
Okay.
Gordon!
- Dana? - I'm over her e.
I'm sorry it took so long.
Something's happening on Sixth Avenue.
I know. Casey isn't back yet either.
Yeah.
I was worried on the phone. It sounded important.
- Yeah. l-I wanted to come over - - You want to sit down?
I wanted to come over, 'cause I know we'r e supposed to go to that thing tonight.
- We'r e not going? - Listen...
I'm not saying we need to go, I just thought it would be f un,
'cause we don't get to get dr essed up that much -
I need you to stop talking.
Okay.
I wanted to come over -
[ Sighs ]
What is it?
Unless you'r e calling off the engagement,
I can't even imagine what it is that has you so f razzled.
Why would you call off the engagement?
Because -
I'd pr ef er not to talk her e.
- Should we go someplace? - Yeah.
[ Telephone ringing ]
Dana, how would you f eel
about moving the pr e-fight coverage to the 4-block?
Kevin would need to give us 15 back.
Man: We're two minutes long.
We'll get it.
So...
Yeah.
What wer e we talking about?
- Dana... - That was a joke.
- Look... - It was a joke.
I know.
I'm just saying I think I'm f unnier
than you've given me cr edit f or being in the past.
Her e's what I've been thinking the past f ew days -
I'm just saying, if you'r e calling off the engagement
because you don't think I'm f unny enough -
Would you stop?
You'r e angry right now? You'r e mad at me?
Dana, I am not gonna -
You spend six months making me f eel guilty f or liking my job,
then propose to me, then two days later,
you tell me you've slept with the woman who wants my job.
I say, "Fine." I say, "Fine."
Then six days after that, you tell me you want to br eak off the engagement?
Her e's the thing - I think only one of us should be angry at a time,
and I have a hunch it's gonna be me.
I think you'r e hung up on Casey.
- That's what this is about? - That's what this is about.
- I am not. - You ar e. You don't cover it well.
This is a cheap ex cuse to get out of marrying me,
which you never wanted to do in the third place.
And the only r eason
you proposed in the second place was out of guilt
f or having slept with Sally in the first place.
You say, "Fine"?
I sleep with Sally and you say, "Fine"?
Casey sleeps with Sally, you have a level-3 nervous br eakdown.
You'r e calling off the engagement
because I wasn't mad enough
when I f ound out you wer e sleeping around?
Let's do the whole thing all over again,
and this time, I'll just beat the living crap out of you.
- I'm leaving. - Don't go.
Dana -
Don't go.
Oh, what the hell. Go.
Maybe we can talk mor e about this later.
[ Laughs ]
Yeah, let's talk about this as much as humanly possible.
This is yours.
- Thanks. - Gordon?
Yeah.
I was a lot f unnier than you ever gave me cr edit f or being.
How's it going over ther e?
I've got nine of them.
How many ar e ther e?
20.
You'r e almost halfway done.
Maybe it's okay if I leave a note f or my f ather.
You don't have to leave a note.
We'r e gonna see him in a minute.
- Charlie... - Hey, Dan.
What is up with you not coming by to say hi?
I was in her e.
I can see that you'r e in her e. Can you see that over ther e?
That's my office.
I make it a six-and-a-half- second walk f rom her e.
What do you think?
Sorry.
Yeah, sorry don't make the buttercup shine. Who's your f riend?
Hi, I'm Holly. I'm the new nanny. Deborah -
I lived through the trauma.
Yeah.
Listen, I need to speak to Charles f or a sec
if you f eel like taking five.
Sur e.
3 f or 3 with 2 RBls, 2 walks, and a stolen base.
Yeah.
What's a stolen base?
I'm gonna pop this tape in her e.
It's the show your f ather and I did the night bef or e last.
Ken Griff ey Jr., busting out of his slump at the Kingdome
by going 3 f or 3 with 2 RBls, 2 walks, and a stolen base,
raising his season batting av-
What's going on?
What do you mean?
I know ther e's nothing wrong with padding your stats
over pizza after the game,
but I'm a little concerned you f eel you need to lie to your dad.
I can't play very well.
Most people can't play very well.
I can't play at all.
Charlie, listen - [ Knock on door ]
Hey, hey, big man, I'm sorry I'm late.
Hi, Dad.
Charlie, ar e you selling me an insurance policy?
Casey, can I speak to you for a second about Cleveland?
Well, I just got her e.
Just one second, then he's all yours.
[ Sighs ] I'll be right back.
- Hey. - Hey.
- How'd the interview go? - Fine.
Good. Say, listen, I think I know why
Charlie's behaving a little strange.
- Really? - Yeah, it's 'cause you'r e a jackass.
What ar e you -
Casey, he can't play.
You've seen him play. You know he can't play.
What made you think all of a sudden -
Wait. He lied to me?
Yeah, and you know what else?
It's actually the first time in history
that a son has lied to his f ather,
so I would definitely go off the deep end.
Charlie!
- Casey. - What?
He's such a good little guy.
Dad, I shouldn't be late f or meeting Mom at the -
Your mom can deal with it, and if she can't, she can learn how.
Come with me, please.
[ Telephones ringing ]
[ Indistinct voices ]
[ Sighs ]
You know I don't like lying.
Ther e's no need f or it, Charlie.
Did you r eally think I was gonna be mad at you
because you didn't play well in a baseball game?
I'm sorry.
I got to find this out f rom Dan?
I also think you'r e old enough to have something mor e than "I'm sorry."
But I can't play.
And I lied 'cause I didn't want to embarrass you.
I'm sorry.
Come her e.
That was r eally hard f or you to say, wasn't it?
You wer e scar ed during that?
Yeah.
Well, it didn't show. You wer e r eally calm and honest.
But I knew you wer e scar ed anyway, 'cause I'm your f ather.
You wer e worried you might embarrass me.
Man.
Ther e should be no doubt in anyone's mind that you'r e my son.
And you can't even blame me,
'cause Grandpa started it.
And I have a hunch his dad was no picnic, either.
So, Charlie, I am nipping this in the bud right now.
Pay close attention -
in your lif etime, you will never embarrass me.
It's not gonna happen.
You play baseball if you want to play baseball.
And the only thing you have to do to make me and your mom happy
is come home at the end of the day.
In your lif etime, you'll never embarrass me.
You know why?
'Cause I'm your f ather. Who'd you think I was?
[ Knock on door ]
Casey, we gotta meet Lisa.
[ Sighs ] Then be gone with you both.
Bye, Dad.
Bye.
[ Sighs deeply ]
[ Horn honking ]
[ Indistinct voices ]
- We'r e in business. - What business?
We'r e in the comeback business.
You told me we sold men's accessories.
Try and be with me on this, would you?
Listen to me. Everybody, stop your work.
A writer once wrote,
"As if it matters how a man f alls down.
When the f all is all that's left, it matters very much."
What did he mean by that?
He meant do not abandon blow-outs.
Watching proud and accomplished athletes
battle in the f ace of odds that ar e virtually hopeless
is one of the mor e stirring sights in all of sports.
The Phillies have been down 14 to 1 since the third inning,
and I think it's the best game we've got.
That is all.
- Pictur e time. Let's go. - Ex cellent.
Natalie, gather everybody up and tell 'em it's pictur e time.
Hey, maybe you could start by just drawing a pictur e, that way - Ow, ow, ow.
- Hey. Pictur e time. - Hey.
What happened to your ring?
- What do you mean? - What happened to your ring?
- My engagement ring? - Yeah.
It's being cleaned. It's at the ring cleaners.
I didn't know they had special places f or that.
Yeah.
Hey. Charlie looked good.
- Didn't he? - Yeah.
Wait. I don't understand. You leave the ring ther e overnight?
Yeah.
Well, how does a ring cleaner carry the kind of insurance pr emiums to cover -
Don't worry about it.
It's pictur e time. It's pictur e time.
I've fix ed the glitch. We'r e good to go.
We'r e r eady to roll. Let's make some magic.
I've f orgotten - do the thr ee beeps
come bef or e or after the strobe blows up?
Hold still.
Hold these positions.
Her e we go.
Whoo!
Whooooo!
[ Telephones ringing ]
[ Beep, beep, beep ]
All right.
Everybody just stay wher e you ar e. This is nothing.
This is a small timing problem.
[ Gasps ]
[ Laughter ]
Casey, if you even say one word -
At least the strobe didn't explode.
[ Explosion ] Aaahhh!
All right, that's it.
That is absolutely it!
Hey, wher e's your ring?
It's at the cleaners.
It's not at the cleaners, you idiot!
Ther e's no such thing as an overnight ring cleaners!
Gordon and I broke up,
which is just the most r ecent in a series of r ecent humiliations!
And I'm okay with it! I can take it!
But this is r eally the living end.
I have seen enough to know that I have seen enough,
and now I want something good to happen!
I want something good to happen bef or e the day is over,
- and I'll be the judge of what's good! - Dana...
One good thing bef or e the day is over, I swear that's all I want!
Isaac: Hey, lady.
Ar e you thinking about getting my show on the air anytime soon?
Isaac.
[ Cheers and applause ]
When did you get out of the hospital?
- This morning. - Man: First team in the studio, please.
[ Shouting ] Isaac!
Would you like to watch the show f rom your office?!
- Why is she shouting at me? - Hang on.
Bef or e anybody goes anywher e, I'm gonna give it one mor e try.
Dana -
- What the hell is all this? - I'm taking a picture,
and you'r e gonna be in it. I need a minute.
Five minutes to air.
I just need one minute. I know I can get this to work.
Her e it is. Her e it is. Last batter.
14-1. Her e comes your ninth-inning rally.
Chris, Will, can you get me sound on 40?
- 40? - Yeah.
- You know, Isaac... - Yeah?
Casey and I wer e talking bef or e and, well...
What?
We think you'r e a bit of a cheese danish.
Hey.
A strawberry parf ait, Isaac.
I had a stroke.
Out six weeks on the D.L. with a stroke?
I've seen gor ed matadors get up off the floor f aster than you.
You'r e a bit of a crumbcake ther e,
ar en't you, pal?
Let me look at you both.
You look good, boys.
So do you, sir.
Dana, thr ee minutes.
I'm almost ther e.
[ Camera shutter clicks ]
So, what's the problem?
Well, Casey, it's pr etty complicated.
This is a sophisticated instrument.
It's not any one thing,
and it would be difficult to explain to someone
who didn't have at least an intermediate background in photography.
But by and large, it's that I put the film in backwards.
- [ Laughing ] - What?
Nothing. I just think you'r e f unny.
Man on TV: As Donovan fouls off a slider
down the left-field line.
You know, Ben Leeder's been...
Dana, we've r eally gotta move it.
- Okay. - Before we do this,
can I call my broker r eal quick
and tell him to buy some Eastman Kodak?
Get in your places.
Her e we go.
...and Leeder winds up.
[ Beep, beep, beep ] The 0-2 pitch to Donovan... [ Bat strikes ball ]
Hey.
[ Camera shutter clicks ]
Casey: Good evening. Dan: Good evening.
From New York City, I'm Dan Rydell alongside Casey McCall.
Good evening. From New York City,
I'm Casey McCall alongside Dan Rydell.
- Those stories... - Those stories...
Those stories and more,
plus we'll take you live to the locker room at Arrowhead -
- Tulane... - Talladega...
- Play of the year... - Battle Creek Invitational...
We'll take you out to Pauley Pavilion.
That was the voice of Desmond Corey.
- Jason Grisham... - Marcus Ryan...
Leonard Mooker of Newton, Massachusetts...
Kim Galey can't stop breaking records.
Ntozake Nelson's got something to say about a world record.
Thank you Kelly Kirkpatrick in Green Bay.
All that coming up after this.
You're watching "Sports Night" on CSC, so stick around.
Dave: We're out.
[ Rock music plays ]